Help Center

Domestic

• Economy: Dec. 3
• Standard: Dec. 10
• 2-Day: Dec. 17
  

International? 

• Who the fuck knows
  

Please be aware there are a TON of delays as we write this in November already. Please don't be pissed if something doesn't arrive on time, gets lost in transit, or your post office commissions the use of delivery pigeons to make ends meet. 

We run a company called OFFENSIVE Crayons, and you expect us to not embrace that? Shame on you. 

Here's the thing, we're super helpful if you're nice (or act like a normal person)! We'll help you track your package, reship a replacement if it gets lost/damaged, etc. But if you're a dick to us, we promise to roll our eyes, crack our knuckles, and insult your mother. 

Eventually. In the US shipping time is 5-7 business days, outside of the US is 10-16 Business days. 

Once shipped, our system sends out an automated tracking number. Check your spam if you're not sure if you've received it. 

*Please be aware there may be delays in shipping due to COVID and the holiday rush

Yes! Although we take no responsibility if your customers are offended. 

Please fill out our wholesaler registration form and you'll be able to buy our crap in bulk. 

We will send you a link to download the digital book. You can print it at home, your mom's house, or at the library. We promise, it's not porn. Mostly. 

There are two physical coloring books: "Happy Little Dictators" and "Color Meme Funny"  

Absolutely! We ship everywhere in the world (except North Korea) for a flat rate of $12 (that's the cost our fulfillment center gives us).

As of January 9th 2018, Amazon has pulled our original listing. They banned our original product for literally "offending children and caucasians". 

In December 2018, Amazon pulled our Holiday edition because they claimed we were selling a "used product". The reality was Amazon not only slapped an ugly barcode on the front (effectively destroying the product), but also would do shitty packaging and most people would end up getting damaged goods. Amazon has yet to rectify this situation. Assholes.

In 2019 we attempted to get our original listing back on Amazon...which ended in our seller account being revoked seller privileges....but Amazon TO THIS DAY continues to charge us random seller fees each month that we constantly have to dispute. 

Late 2021, we have select products on Amazon, but not our original set. 

Honestly, we're just trying to keep up with demand at this point, but we're strongly considering it. Or, we'll just come out with another satirical product that has no relation to the brand if we feel like it.

Our fulfillment warehouse where we ship out our crayons is completely different than where your shirt or mug is being printed.